Fear and What ifs....

Last week you might have seen my post about the two challenges that I am tackling together in November. On Wednesday I saw a blog post about fear in writing and I started wondering, am I really that brave or is it fear manifesting itself with another face?

My first thought was, that is crap. I like a challenge, I thrive on broadening my horizons, and need to see if I am capable of doing more than what I believe I can. My second thought however, made me stop. What if there is some truth there? What if…

I am afraid to fail 
To some extent we all fear failure and we can drive ourselves crazy with the ‘what ifs’ in our lives, relationships, jobs, writing, and so on. The list of what ifs can be longer than my arms can hold. Then I look back over my life and realise that it isn’t failure that I fear. I had my own business that had to be closed down after ten years. It effectively failed due to economic reasons, but I made the decision and have to this day not regretted that. Not the company failing, because I loved the work, but making the decision not to hang on, but to move on.

I am afraid of success 
How can anyone be afraid of success? To my mind that is what we want after all, isn’t it? But success is not an easy thing to achieve and once you have it, keeping it takes more hard work and more sacrifices than what we might be able to live with.
Some people don’t like change. Some people may not want the responsibilities that come with success. Or for some the challenge is gone once success walks in the front door, and now they don’t know what to do. We are not all the same, and these fears are not trivial to them.

I have been in that position, and some people might say that I still am, but what if the success people see in me is not the success I see for myself? Yes, my work is challenging and stimulating, and so are my creative outlets. However, what if my ‘success’ is not exactly in line with my definition of success? I don’t have an answer to this question, yet.

I fear rejection from my readers

When I started to write my first book, it never occurred to me that someone would read it. While that may seem stupid or naïve to you, I wrote my first book for me. I love writing and I love writing the stories of the characters that live inside my head.

Since that first book, I have written a few more, and wizened up to the fact that there is a risk that people might not like my books, or the genres that I write in.

I am grateful for people who take the time to review my books (hint, hint J), but it is still humbling to know that there are readers that do like my books and have told me so to my face.

Not all is moonshine and roses though. My stories, most of them to be honest, contain explicit sex and/or scenes with violence, and that will not be to everyone’s taste. From that point of view it will be naïve of me to expect 5 star reviews from each and everyone that reads them.

I still write for myself for the pure pleasure of it, and will continue to do so, despite the risk that readers may not like my books.

I hit that blank page (or writers block)

What’s that? A blank page? Oh yes, time for my story now!

As someone who has never had to face that dreaded blank page, I can only sympathise for those of you who have. My hat off to you if saw, battled and overcame it.

A few people have asked me what to do when they get stuck. My answer: write about it. Writing out your frustrations, your feelings about feeling blocked or craving to tear you hair out, is usually the advice that I come up with. Maybe not the best advice, but hey, when all is said and done, you wrote a few hundred words. Awesome! Congratulate yourself and move on. Now finish that story, will ya?

No one said all writing is perfect. In fact everyone have heard the quote about first drafts being shit. But where else to start planting roses than in the fertiliser, right? So man up, write about all the crap that is preventing you from writing, then print it and frame it if you want, because you just wrote the biggest load of crap ever. Nothing can be worse, right? Now get back work.

I don’t care about fear

Call me an ostrich with her head in the sand, or tell me that I am in denial, but it is working for me. Fear can be as much of a motivator as a demotivator, and the only difference is in my mind. I refuse to let it rule me. I refuse to let it rule my writing. If the words are not coming, I write about the frustrations and moan about it in one of my journals. Before long those are out of my system, albeit temporarily, and then I can get some writing done.

Those words might be useless and deleted later on, but getting them written is the important thing, fear or no fear.

Is there another fear that stands in the way of your writing or other creative endeavours? How do you deal with it?

Featured Book: Lexus Sam by B.P. Gallucci

SYNOPSIS

'Lexus Sam' is about a man who wakes up in Manhattan with only a few memories of his past -- a life in California, married to Sarah, a girl with green eyes and a yellow rose tattoo. He’s been in a car accident recently, he knows, but not how he got to Manhattan and into someone else’s life.

 He has ID that says he's Adam Williams; keys to Adam's apartment; a man he’s never seen before insists they’re in a relationship. But he knows Adam Williams is not him; his life is someone else’s. So he refuses that identity and picks the name Lexus Sam for himself instead and starts on a journey to get back to his real life and the loving wife he remembers.

 Lexus enlists the help of Dr. Renesque, who promises his experimental hypnotherapy can recover lost memories. But the doctor has his own motives for working with Lexus and instead of helping, Dr. Renesque’s treatment blurs the line between what happened in the past with what merely could have happened. 

 Unaware of Dr. Renesque’s true aim, but undeterred, Lexus continues to work on his own investigation, attempting to at least prove that he’s not Adam Williams. This trail leads him to his girl with green eyes, Sarah, at the high school where she works. But his relief, his hope that his journey is nearing an end, dies in an instant.

BUY LINKS  Amazon    B & N

EXCERPT

The blowing snow cut across his path in a downward slant, drawing stinging lines of white over the empty plain.  A path of footprints, little craters in the sheet covering the hard ground, trailed away in a gently curving arc over the horizon — each print a signpost pointing the way to his girl with green eyes.  But the drifting, falling snow filled them in bit by bit and unless he caught up soon, it’d cover her tracks forever.

He pulled his scarf up over his mouth against the blowing snow and stepped off the road.  He matched her stride step for step, walking in her footprints.

Something caught his eye and–

–the scene burned away.  The plain of blowing snow became tangled sheets of green snaked around a twisted, sprawled form in bed.

He raised his head off the pillow and sat up, propped on his elbows, and stared.  Stared straight ahead, past his physical sight and through to the fading dream, those footprints in the snow.

About the Author

BP Gallucci was born and raised in the suburbs of Toronto.

He began writing at an early age – a (very) short story written while in Kindergarten won a school-wide creative writing contest. He was chosen to represent his school at a creative writing retreat with other students from all over the region. That story, The Little Big Feet, was reproduced in that year’s anthology. He has been writing and telling stories in one form or another non-stop since.

His influences include Hunter S. Thompson, William Gibson, William S. Burroughs, Ken Kesey, Stephen King, Jack Kerouac, Neal Gaiman, David Foster Wallace, Haruki Murakami, and Alan Moore.

Connect with BP Online

Website www.BPGallucci.com

Twitter: @BPGallucci

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/BPGallucci

Featured Book: High Wind to Idaho by Rod Barclay

SYNOPSIS

Most people believe that the United States has never been bombed. This is not true! During world War II, around 300 balloon bombs, out of 9,000 launched from Japan, landed on the United States and Western Canada. They rode on the Pacific trade winds, just as Yoshi does in this new Middle grade historical novel “High wind to Idaho” just released by Amazon.
His secret balloon carries no bombs, only a scared 13 year old boy on a joy-ride that goes terribly wrong. He really wasn’t supposed to take it up, only help his uncle test it for the Japanese Army. Instead, he ends up crashing on a farm in Idaho in the midst of the first UFO scare in the US. This is in 1896. This was a full-blown scare, with newspapers full of ghostly airship sightings and Martian abductions.
Luckily for Yoshi, he survives the crash, saved by Billy, also 13, his mom and younger sister. He fears if the US government finds out about the balloon, they will force him to tell the balloon’s secrets. To do so would betray his family’s Samurai Honor. He vows to return to Japan, or if found out, commit hara-kiri, just like his great uncle Saburu.
He must get back to Japan before anyone finds out about his balloon. He and Billy’s family concoct a plan to escape the clutches of the local sheriff and nosy neighbors, and go by train to San Francisco to find a relative who might help him return and apologize to his uncle. Their plan is thwarted by a vengeful Japanese Army Officer, sent to bring him back in disgrace. In the meantime, news of the balloon has been leaked to the press and the Pinkerton Detective Agency is on Yoshi’s trail, hired by the US Army Intelligence Service.
Trapped in a dingy room, with the police getting closer, Yoshi sees no other way out than to commit Hara-kiri, but is rescued just in time by the Japanese officer. They return to Japan, undetected, for Yoshi to make amends to his Uncle.
As the story begins, Billy is now a Forest Ranger during WWII, called to inspect a downed balloon bomb in the Oregon forest, and it looks suspiciously like Yoshi’s balloon of forty-six years ago. Is Yoshi, his friend, responsible for this terrible weapon? The postscript, set in 1942 Japan, give us the answer.

Buy links     Amazon

Excerpt

Yoshi lay down on the futon pad in his room later that night, thinking about all the work he had done for his uncle and how he had now been reduced to a lowly helper.
“I know I can fly that balloon. I don’t need a stuck-up army officer to supervise me,” he muttered. “People in America are free to do almost anything. That is what Father William says. If I was there, I would be free to fly any balloon I wanted.”
The more he thought about the airship just sitting out there, ready to go, the more he became convinced he had to show his uncle that he could fly it. His uncle would then have to let him make longer, more important flights. He would become a famous aviator and make demonstration flights all over the world.
“I just have to do it!” he exclaimed.
At four o’clock, as the eastern sky dawned, he got dressed quietly in a shirt and hakama, trousers, and tiptoed to the kitchen in his tabi socks, geta in hand. The servants had put together some food in a wicker hamper for the flight.
He left the house and sneaked over to the laboratory, looking out for Old Taiji. There he was, in a little shed outside the laboratory, reading a paper. His long white hair and stringy beard took on a golden glow from the lantern by his side. As soon as the watchman’s head start to nod, Yoshi ran quickly to the airship. It swayed gently in the breeze; the ropes that held it to the ground were taut. It seemed to Yoshi that the craft longed to be set free, just as he longed to be her pilot.
He climbed up the ladder into the gondola and stowed the food hamper.
All the gear was just as they left it. He had brought a padded jacket for extra warmth, and matches to light the lantern. He was ready.
Or was he? Suddenly he started to tremble at the thought of what he was about to do. Uncle Takahashi would surely be angry after what he had said to the lieutenant; Aunt Yasue would be upset; Lt. Itani would be insulted. But still, his desire to fly the balloon drove him on.
It wouldn’t be any safer with the lieutenant on board, he thought. I would have to tell him what to do, and I’ll have landed before they know what has happened.
Reassured, he started to untie the tether ropes: First the one on the port side, then on the starboard side. He hesitated before letting go of the stern rope. Was he ready to face the consequences of what he was about to do? Was he ready to face an angry uncle, an enraged lieutenant, a disappointed aunt? There was a piercing noise.

About the Author

Rod Barclay has always been curious; as a kid taking clocks and radios apart, exploring museums, peeking in on foundries and manufacturing shops. He lived in England as a boy, and later in California. He studied Radar, Industrial Design and Engineering, working in the computer and electronics industry.
Writing came later, with a desire to bring together learning and adventure, especially for boys.
His stories are mainly historical adventure that relate to his experiences and interests.
As well as writing stories, his recent activities have involved restoring old cars, (A 1953 MGTD from England and a 1953 Studebaker Hardtop, designed by the noted Industrial Designer, Raymond Loewy), ceramics, metal clay jewelry, and working in the field with his ‘Best Buddy’, Maru, a miniature wire-haired Dachshund.
Rod lives near Denton, Texas, with his other ‘Best Buddy,’ his wife, Nancy and two more miniature wire-haired Dachshunds, Wrinkles and Lexie.

Connect with Rod online

Facebook: www.facebook.com/highwindride
Goodreads: www.goodreads.com/author/show/7110026.Rod_Barclay
Amazon
CreateSpace

Ambitious or just plain insane?

Source: Facebook

For many of us (writers that is) November is NaNoWriMo month. We register on 1 October, plan our novel until 29 October, then we start panicking on the 31^st. When 1 November rolls around you are either jumping up and down with excitement, or hyperventilating in a brown bag.

Sound familiar? Yes, you have been there and probably have the T-Shirt to show for it. And it is an achievement to be proud of. A whole month of writing, neglecting our families, our homes and possibly even our pets because that 50k is not easy. Does give you a newfound respect for those authors who do this for a living, doesn’t it?

This year I started my fourth NaNoWriMo. Although I am not a planner, there are some things that have to be in place even for the pantser in me. At the very least I have to know where to start, who my characters are, where my story is taking place and what genre I am aiming for.

Since I am writing a series of novels, some of these aspects are clear, others are flowing on from the first two books, and some will be a surprise, just as I want them to be. I chain my muse to the wall, send my internal editor on a sinking ship to China and tell my husband to buy pizza more often than usual. Not an unfamiliar situation for most of us, I am sure.

But November 2014 turned out to be a different kettle of fish. There has been general consensus that I went off the deep end, and struck my head when I hit the bottom! And during this second week of November, I am inclined to agree.

You see, I enrolled not only to take part in NaNoWriMo, but also NaNonFiWriMo. That might be an unfamiliar acronym, and quite unpronounceable too, but it is the non-fiction equivalent of NaNoWriMo.

It is insane I know, but my third novel is on a go or no go path. If I cannot finish the first draft this year, it is going straight into file 13, locked and sealed. My non-fiction book has not seen much progress for a whole year, and that is becoming a real pain too.

So I made the decision: do or die! November will see the completed first drafts, or I stop wasting my time on both these projects and move on to something else. There are after all sixty eight more manuscripts on my computer that are in various stages of completion.

To NaNo or not to NaNo is not the question, it is the answer of which level of insane I want my life to be in November. Harrr!

Have you done both at the same time? Tell us about your NaNoWriMo experiences.

Featured Book: Time's Tempest by MJ Moores

Synopsis

Taya
A loyal and dedicated government contractor extraordinaire, learns of the fate of the planet while on a top-secret job working as a lab tech for a disreputed scientist.

Dezmind
A Talian government dissenter who claims the only way to save their dying world is to trust a set of ancient documents lost long ago in the forbidding Deserts.

Zaith
A reporter covering the story of a lifetime following a lead that could mean more than breaking the biggest story to hit the planet since the Nine Seas Massacre.

Fate, destiny and truth collide with 2000 year old secrets the government will do anything to keep buried. When Taya is forced to accept a contract that will be a death sentence for anyone involved, she unwittingly becomes a catalyst in a game she never wanted to play. As she leads a false prophet and his followers on a mission doomed from the start, she learns far more about herself and her world than she ever thought possible.

Buy links   Amazon (e-book)     Amazon (print)     Waterstones (print)

Excerpt
Zaith bit her lower lip. We had an arrangement: I was never an official source for her stories. But I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. The theories Professor Denali was so close to proving kept ricocheting around in my head. History and some ancient supposed chronicles were not going to solve this problem.
The Talian countered with a fierce passion lacing his every word. “Clues were left behind on the Ancient Tablets preserved in the Museum of Darius. We need to study them, analyse them, and form a band of Kahn-lea. With the information we gather, we’ll take to the Deserts and retrieve the Chronicles. Legend states that the ‘pure one’ upon finding them, will be granted the sight of old.”
Something clicked in the back of my mind: Legends – not facts. There is no substance here. “Bedtime stories, dreams and fantasies are all that’s left of the truth behind the Ancient Tablets and Chronicles. No one could ever know if what they risked their lives for was real, or if they were even looking in the right area of the Deserts. There’s no need for all this blather about your Spoken Truth.”
Chatter rose among the audience.
“Who is she?”
“Why is she challenging the Talian?”
“Is she right?”
“Why doesn’t she believe?”
The Talian held up his hand for silence, never once breaking eye contact with me. “We will never know when we’ll face the end of our existence. We’d be fools if we did nothing and died because of it. The Kronik, the supposed men of my race, continue to flounder, hide, and avoid the problem. It’s our turn now. This is a time for believers and doers.”
The crowd agreed with him, dismissing me entirely. They refilled the space between us. My skin pricked cold. My spine tingled and itched. This was not over. The Kronik may not be handling this problem publicly, but they have been dealing with life and death issues since the Great Migration over two thousand years ago.
He has no idea of the damage he’ll cause – the death sentence for anyone involved. And they believe him! Didn’t they hear him? He said “take to the Deserts!” He has to be stopped.
My body vibrated with fury. His disregard for the sanctity of life shattered my common sense. I couldn’t let these people be led to the slaughter.
As he spoke about the forming of a legion of Kahn-lea, the ancient term coined for a band of citizens dubbed ‘Explorers of Fate’, I opened my belt-pack and retrieved my Clinex. The small, round, reflective weapon emitted plasma bursts to a range of 300 yards. It would get the job done. Though it was a CTF-issued weapon, it was compact and discrete. No one would see it coming, no one but Zaith would know it was mine.
Zaith, oblivious to my actions, continued to carefully record the first sighting of a Talian in public since before the two of us were born.
Grasping the Clinex in my left hand, I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath to steady my nerves. Then, stepping back I opened my eyes again and took aim.

About the Author

Growing up in Ontario, Canada, M.J. was the only child of a single mom. M.J.’s passion for the arts ignited at a young age as she wrote adventure stories and read them aloud to close family and friends. The dramatic arts became a focus in high school as an aid to understanding character motivation in her writing. Majoring in Theatre Production at York University, with a minor in English, she went on to teach both elementary and high school for 10 years throughout Simcoe County.
M.J. currently lives with her husband and young son in Caledon, Ontario. She keeps busy these days with her emerging authors’ website Infinite Pathways: hosting writing contests, providing editing services, free publicity tips, book reviews, and opportunities for authors to build their writing platform and portfolio. In addition she writes articles and freelance edits between bouts of personal writing and novel crafting. Time’s Tempest: The Chronicles of Xannia (1) is M.J.’s debut science fiction novel. She firmly believes that if she hadn’t been born a Virgo, she wouldn’t be half as organized as she needs to be to get everything done.

Connect With M.J. Online

website: http://mjmoores.com

Facebook: http://facebook.com/AuthorMJMoores

website: http://infinite-pathways.org

Twitter: @AuthorMJMoores